My mom passed away on her 85th birthday on August 22, 2008. Unfortunately, I was on vacation on that day and was only able to post this now.
One Year
This blog is a little bittersweet because I am overwhelmed with many different emotions that conflict with each other in regards to how I felt about my mom.
First off, I should say that I loved my mom but not as much as I should have but I do think as much as she would let me love her. We were like a dysfunctional teenage couple that date and fight and break up and make up and fight and it just goes on and on until it ends.
When its over and the dust settles you take a look at what just happened in your life and make life assessments regarding the plusses and minuses of the relationship and eventually grade the event and move on with your life. That might sound clinical but think about it because most of us do it that way. If we didn’t then we wouldn’t be able to move on to other relationships.
So my mom has been gone a year today and the time went fast. I remember being there holding her hand as she faded from life and the other subsequent activities of her funeral and burial. It really seems dreamlike now when I look back on it.
So what have I learned or felt in the past year? Actually nothing more or less than I felt at the time of the actual event except maybe that the hurts are a little less traumatic as I remember them now. They still sting but in a different way.
While mom was alive I was able to relive past moments of my youth and the anger would still be there but now I no longer visit those places nor do I allow myself to over think the dynamic between us. With her gone she is in a place that anger no longer touches unless I want it to touch me and I don’t.
So, in effect, her dying set me free to be free from those thoughts and memories that made me upset and angry and that is a good thing. You would have to ask my family if I am different; I don’t feel different but I think I am less stressed and hopefully more at peace with myself.
There will be many more anniversaries of mom’s passing and I hope that I will be able to stop and reflect for a moment on her and what she meant to my life, both good and bad. I still do the same for my dad on June 30th of each year.
The most poignant thing that comes out of this is the thought that life is for the living and I think my mom’s passing probably has driven that home to me more than any other thing. She is now with the ages and I am here and what I do here is the important aspect of my life at this time. What I do with this time will be the legacy I leave to my children and grandchildren and that is an important thing to me.
I can only hope that I can take the life lessons of my mom and make positive memories of myself to my family and also share in such a manner that they will know how much they mean to me. To do anything less would be a terrible waste of this time that I have been given and would show that I learned nothing from my experiences with my mom. That would truly be a shame.
One Year
This blog is a little bittersweet because I am overwhelmed with many different emotions that conflict with each other in regards to how I felt about my mom.
First off, I should say that I loved my mom but not as much as I should have but I do think as much as she would let me love her. We were like a dysfunctional teenage couple that date and fight and break up and make up and fight and it just goes on and on until it ends.
When its over and the dust settles you take a look at what just happened in your life and make life assessments regarding the plusses and minuses of the relationship and eventually grade the event and move on with your life. That might sound clinical but think about it because most of us do it that way. If we didn’t then we wouldn’t be able to move on to other relationships.
So my mom has been gone a year today and the time went fast. I remember being there holding her hand as she faded from life and the other subsequent activities of her funeral and burial. It really seems dreamlike now when I look back on it.
So what have I learned or felt in the past year? Actually nothing more or less than I felt at the time of the actual event except maybe that the hurts are a little less traumatic as I remember them now. They still sting but in a different way.
While mom was alive I was able to relive past moments of my youth and the anger would still be there but now I no longer visit those places nor do I allow myself to over think the dynamic between us. With her gone she is in a place that anger no longer touches unless I want it to touch me and I don’t.
So, in effect, her dying set me free to be free from those thoughts and memories that made me upset and angry and that is a good thing. You would have to ask my family if I am different; I don’t feel different but I think I am less stressed and hopefully more at peace with myself.
There will be many more anniversaries of mom’s passing and I hope that I will be able to stop and reflect for a moment on her and what she meant to my life, both good and bad. I still do the same for my dad on June 30th of each year.
The most poignant thing that comes out of this is the thought that life is for the living and I think my mom’s passing probably has driven that home to me more than any other thing. She is now with the ages and I am here and what I do here is the important aspect of my life at this time. What I do with this time will be the legacy I leave to my children and grandchildren and that is an important thing to me.
I can only hope that I can take the life lessons of my mom and make positive memories of myself to my family and also share in such a manner that they will know how much they mean to me. To do anything less would be a terrible waste of this time that I have been given and would show that I learned nothing from my experiences with my mom. That would truly be a shame.
Once you've processed all of your issues with her, which it now sounds like you have, how you package "her" in your memories is your choice. I know a little girl who can never say she's had a good day. The other day, she went to the city for her birthday, got a new laptop, went to the zoo and ate all meals out and what did she reflect on? Something I can't even remember it was so trivial. But it was negative. I hope as she gets older, she chooses and disciplines herself to see the positive first. If you do this with her, you'll have less stress and be happier overall. You know what she did wrong, you've got it. You don't have to keep thinking about those things if you don't choose to.
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