Perspective

Time is an interesting partner in life. It can go too quick, to slow or stand still, it seems.

They say that time heals all wounds but I think it allows for scars to grow over them but whatever it does; it allows those lucky enough to live in it the opportunity to go on in their life.

Now what I am going to write here might sound disrespectful and I do not intend it to be that way but I have not had a single lonely thought about my mom since she has been gone. She has been dead over a year now and in that time I have been released from all of the hurt and pain that I was in during her last years of life.

Thank you God!

All of the thinking about what happened in our dynamic is all gone and if it is thought about it is summarily cast into a fire called, “No thanks”. I am no longer under the weight of having to call her and listen to her complaints or to just know that she wasn’t happy in her life.

I revel everyday in being an orphan, I do. I revel in knowing that part of my life is over and I never have to relive it again. But not lost in all the euphoria is the life lessons learned during that painful time and I have charged myself with the following:

I will strive to take care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally on a daily basis.

I will strive to remember that I have raised my children and that they are good capable people, just like I wanted them to be. I will be their peer not their father.

I will remember that my children have my best interests at heart even when I do not want to hear what they have to say.

I will humble myself to all of the possibilities of life and be open as much as I can be to the changes that will be coming in future years.

I will treasure my grandchildren on a daily basis even if I do not see them. I will keep them close to me and will endeavor to impart some good from me to them, if possible.

I will try to look at my feet instead of the sky so that I might see my path more clearly.

I will try to never invoke my will through coercion or emotional blackmail but rather be accepting of all parties to what is best in their life.

I will thank God for all blessings given in the past and in hope for the future.

I do not want to give to my children in my older years what was given to me by my mother. They deserve so much more than that and I will do everything to make sure that I deliver on this promise.

Finally I Feel Hope

After almost 10 months of no hope tonight I feel a gentle breeze called hope and I am once again feeling that the last 10 months was nothing but a bad dream.

Unfortunately, the dream is still alive and well and living in Washington D.C. but the dream lost a lot of luster today. What am I talking about? Today’s elections in Virginia, New Jersey, New York and a few other places.

The independents that threw their collective hats at Barak Obama last November picked them up today and took them home. Do you know what our President was doing as the returns came in…playing basketball. Yes, not watching and seeing if he might detect a trend among voters in this off year election cycle but rather he spent time perfecting his jump shot.

Pundits have said in the last week that this is a one term president and I think I can believe them a bit now and I can’t wait until November 2010 at the mid term elections when many of his democratic supporters will be shown the door back to their previous lives.

I am even heartened in the 12 point lead that the Republican senatorial candidate has over Barbara Boxer at this time in California. Hell, I am damn near giddy over all the good news coming over the horizon.

We still have a ways to go but if today’s results don’t get Pelosi and Reid’s attention (yeah, he’s 14 points behind the Republican challenger in Nevada) and if they try to ram health care down our throats while expanding the debt to record ceilings then November 2010 I can predict one thing…Christmas will be about a month early next year.

I suspect as of right now many of the first term Democrats in the house are shaking a bit and I want to see where the moderate Democratic senators are going to fall on the health care issue now.

Obama’s coat tails are as short as an Eisenhower coat and nothing could make me happier. The Democrats saw this coming and did nothing to tone down the rhetoric prior to elections. I know they will blame their losses today on Bush, don’t they always, but they own this one.

I suggest that they sit down and quit calling voters that disagree with them Nazis and other unfathomable names and pay attention because the tsunami is coming next November.

I can’t wait.

I Did It

I had an epiphany this morning in church during pastor’s sermon. It was All Saint Day which is a day commemorating all those that have gone before us to their heavenly reward.

The history of All Saints Day is well reported with All Hallows Eve being right before it and all of the evil spirits have their way the night before and all of the dead in Christ are honored the next day. It is a nice service to be involved in, I think.

Anyway, pastor was preaching about saints and white robes and I started to think about my mother. Now in the true representation of Christian deportment and overall goodwill; my mother fell far short of the benchmark. She was a good person, don’t get me wrong, but she was not a Christian that you could tell in any facet of her life. She swore, cussed, and had other personality traits that did not put a big “Jesus sign on her.

She was a Christian as I was to find out hours before her death when Pastor Willie came and visited with her that one last time. Even in her last hours she listened to him as he read scripture and prayed. So I have no doubt that she is in heaven at this very moment and that I will see her once again.

A lot of my problems with her in her latter days were with decisions that she made that kept me from taking care of her in her last months and years. She did some financial things that made it very difficult for me and I might say I struggled internally since her death with these decisions but today I had an epiphany.

I was focused on the wrong thing. It wasn’t about her care during that time but it was about her care at “that” time, when she died. It wasn’t about her investments or paying her bills but being there holding her hand at that moment of time when all of the other things no longer held any importance in either of our lives. Would I have liked it to be different, sure but that was not what God wanted; He wanted me there in that room holding her hand when she took her last breath and left me for Him. And I did that so I can now know and say with confidence that I took care of her until her death.

With that, I fulfilled a promise I made to my dad and I can rest easier that I did, in fact, do what was required of me and I am better for knowing it now.

Now she can rest in peace not only in Colorado but in my mind as well. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see this finally in my life and knowing that I did do what was asked of me not only for her but to your glory also.