Reciprocity

I read an interesting blog the other day about how family members do not seems to stay in contact with each other and continue to maintain the bridges that we have in our relationships. The blog was well written and very pointed in the reference of one party’s responsibility to another but it lacked reciprocity. It had the ying but I never read the yang in it.

All relationships require a two way street and if it is only going one way then there is a deficiency in the relationship that needs to be addressed by both sides but it is unfair to expect that one side carry the load while the other side receives the goods only.

There are a lot of issues that can separate a family from one another and distance is one of them. I have been well incorporated in many of my children’s lives because of their close proximity to where I live but distance is a barrier to maintaining “close” relations because unfortunately the human mind and heart is fed by contact. Physical has always been a better means of transference between people than ancillary forms that require the mental processes to enact the contact.

When a kid drops in to say “hi” well that is a lot better than picking up a phone and calling. The Internet had developed ways of communicating but it takes both sides to initiate and not the expectation of one side doing the work.

I am not a proponent that I am the dad therefore I must be served but I do think that if there is a loneliness on the part of one side then they need to look at what they can do to improve it rather than look to the other side for their answer. The other side may not even be aware that there was a question.

Listen, we all have busy lives but I have expectations that if I want to have contact then I have to initiate it. I saw Paula’s dad’s opinion that we all had to come to his house and that didn’t work out to well for him and us either, I guess. When you read comments regarding the busyness of any person’s day then you wonder where you fit in anyway. That does not make non contact right or wrong but it does make it seem less important.

Is it “out of sight out of mind” or is it “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? It could be either but it requires a concerted effort by both sides to make it work. I need to be better at it and I guess the other parties just need to find their level of participation also.