Stop and Smell the Roses

I think that life is a strange thing sometimes in that it challenges us to see ourselves through other people and sometimes I don’t like what I see in me.

I am a man of few wants and that is a good thing but I surround myself with people that think that life is nothing more than a window shopping spree for all emotional and physical things. I rationalize this as some sort of “big empty hole” that they have to fill but it probably isn’t; it is just them being themselves and trying the best they can to get through life with some modicum of self respect and accomplishment. My harshness sometimes allows me to miss the inner workings of a person and that is a loss to me and to them also.

I am a doer; I do things. It was the way I was raised by my mom that you need to be doing things or “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” type of mentality. I like this part of me but unfortunately I am surrounded by the antithesis of me; people that can sit and still feel fulfilled in what they do. People are raised differently and I supposed that if I was surrounded by doers then we would constantly be trying to out do one another and just spending our time busting our asses to outshine the other ass buster.

I have been subjected to many interesting events because of my wife and that is a good thing. We have been on cruises, vacationed in interesting places, and had Japanese exchange students and many other different trips. I would be the first to say that I personally would not have ever done any of these things on my own because I would have been busting my ass doing something else and would have missed the intersections where these opportunities resided. I am glad for those people that walk instead of run and rest instead of work although too much of any one thing still drives me to distraction.

I will continue to putter because it is in my fabric and I probably sense my mother’s calling from the grave that I am lazy; which is definitely not true in any respect. But I do wish I could enjoy life more and the people that are in it for me to enjoy. I am working on it but it is hard for me to assimilate my surroundings and just enjoy the fruits of this life. I always expect that someone wants something which they don’t and that I need to be the one to get it for them which I don’t.

I am trying to alter my inner being in this area but it is hard but I will continue the fight until I can fight no more.